We are days away from meeting our baby girl! Monday June 11 we have our scheduled cesarian since she either cannot or will not flip from breech. I have spent the past week trying any and all alternatives to get her to move from this position. Despite every effort including ECV there has been no success in doing so. I can only conclude that either she will not or cannot move from this position. I was told today from my midwife that she has seen some babies pulled out by cesarian than are held so low in the pelvis that there is almost a suction that is noted when the baby's hips are pulled out. At any rate, I think it's important that she come into this world safely. The resources being what they are here in this smaller community, this seems to be the only reasonable option since they simply do not deliver breech. Certainly this has been an eye opening learning experience finding this out(?) and exploring more information about breech birth and birth options in general. It's amazing to me that depending on where you live geographically your birth experiences and options can change dramatically. One would hope that birth, being a universal experience, would then have universal methods of dealing with it. But strangely, practitioners in different communities, different cultures, different countries all have different training, policies or procedures. That's just very interesting to me. Something that impacts how every single one of us gets here... bizarre.

The past week and a bit have been getting tougher physically. Hard to get in and out of bed, hard to move with any sort of grace, and a lot of huffing and puffing sounds to get mobile. Lots of heartburn, lower initiative. I try to do something, find it more difficult than I anticipate and I have to quit. Today is proving to be one of those days where I am faced with that. This is of course more of a mental challenge than physical. I have some uneasiness with giving up when I feel quite strongly that I should *try* to do a little more. But here I am, 9 months pregnant, carrying an added 35 pounds around in a very concentrated physical area(!) and I have to recognize and come to terms with my limitations. Pretty irritating.

Weather is only supposed to cooperate today. Rainy forecast all week, which motivates me to hang wash on the line and stare at all the things I should or could be doing outside- none of which I am capable of. Inside, I stare at a whole pile of OTHER things that if I had the money, energy and drive I would also do, so there is no escape from it regardless of where I hide myself!

All I can do is accept what is. I've done what I can, we have all we need, so what if the grass grows or the floors aren't clean. Screw it. The focus is elsewhere.