Wednesday, March 2

New Moon on Friday. New moons are phases when the moon is "invisible", dark... it's a time in which the self should be rested and rejuvenated. I napped today for 3 hours because it's about all I can do at this point. I'm overloaded mentally and my brain needs rest.

I've just had one major thing after another here since Feb 16. My FIL died suddenly, we poured through his house trying to establish what to toss and what to keep: it still isn't done. We still have several bank accounts and other items to close for him; it's endless.

I switched gears and started dealing with my own stuff... I spent $1000 on my car getting a new battery and tires. On my way to get tires I got in an accident- sideswiped at an intersection yesterday. Couldn't see over a 10' tall snowbank to safely cross the intersection. Figured the new battery would've fixed my car, but nope. Despite the new battery the car still didn't start today- dead as a doornail. I lost it. I felt like what next. This has not been the holiday I planned when I wrote up the request last year. Not at all.

Having said that I find myself in awe of how it all has worked out. Not that you ever want someone close to you to die, nor can you plan for these things, but to have been given the opportunity by serendipity, by whatever, to have vacation time to deal with his Life for him is pretty surreal. I would not have managed otherwise. I needed this "holiday" for this.

It was really hard telling him goodbye while he was on life support. It really really was. I told him how glad I was to have met him; to have had the opportunity to meet him and his wife since coming to Winnipeg. I told him how deeply I respected him and who he was in his Life. And I wished him well, in my mind, to wherever he was headed next.

A friend of mine blogged this a week ago : "When I look at the word, Emergency I have begun to hear the word as Emerge To See". I have to tell you I resonate with that in this minute of my life.

Death is a hard thing for the Living. It's never an easy chore to close a door on someone's life. So I think I choose this new moon to do some mental restoration. I'm not going to let it get to me; I will simply allow myself to rest when I need it. I will roll easily with the punches. Cars can be fixed. Apartments can be cleaned out and there's no rush to deal with each and every paper in his office right at this very moment. Pack it up, look at it later. Another opportunity- another vacation, a weekend or a moment will be given to me when the time is right to deal with those things then. All things have their time.

And so it goes.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh hon, I didn't realize! My condolences to you and to John... M