Ever feel like you're pulling a large rock over your shoulder? With a thread? And you need to pull it, oh- a mile down the road somehow? Seems to be where I'm at some days. I feel like that. A mile away things look GREAT, if I can just get there... to THAT place. Which isn't HERE. And 'that place' feels somewhat unattainable or at least extremely delayed from this perspective. It's not just one particular thing that has me feeling like this, either- it seems to permeate through everything in my life right now. I manage to keep myself motivated with the whole "oooh, that is SO going to kick ASS when we get that boulder moved down the road" thing. I hear that next year is "so going to be my year" and good god, let's hope it is. Let's hope all those planets align and Jupiter showers me freely with gifts and goodies to my hearts content.
Today I figured maybe if I wore a bright color I would feel better, and it did work actually. Bright pink is elevating. I figure tomorrow I'll wear clown shoes and see if that does anything for me. I hate being 'this way' where everything feels so gloomy all the time. I ENJOY feeling good. I LIKE to be up, positive- happy!
In fact I was just discussing with sister the other day about people who have that BIZARRE ability to almost have this naive, stupid-happy attitude in their lives regardless of WHAT goes on in it! And at the risk of stereotyping, we pulled a few examples from our childhood up of women we knew who were Christian (like dedicated believers). They had that total trust that everything would just work out, no matter what. Life was ALWAYS amazing and blessed and wonderful! Shit could be POURING DOWN on them and they would stop and say wow, what a wonderful shit storm this is- I bet EVERYTHING will be fertilized and grow even better! Isn't god amazing?! And I would want to stab them in their eye sockets with something sharp. And punch them in the face. =) But how do you GET to BE like that!?!? Like what are they ON?!? How do you TRUST the process of life THAT MUCH to know, to accept, to LOVE everything that happens, regardless of how much it totally blows?!
/summons Yoda up
Learn this I must! Weird they are, but good the lessons they teach...!