Sunday, January 3

I cannot sleep.
Hours away, my entire future changes. Different- certainly. Better- hopefully. Difficult? May be for a while, for everyone.
My mom's parents divorced in about 1968 or 69. Each remarried- as a kid I had 2 sets of grandparents on my mom's side. In fact I think the year my mom & Dad married so did Nana. Feels odd to me though to have personally had one relationship split at age 34 and another now at 42. I can't help but ask myself to look within for answers why.
Ever wearing the rose colored glasses, I hope though that at least once more in my life I am lucky enough to be loved and be in love- deeply. I hope I am so lucky to experience it again. To trust again. To feel valued. To have mutual respect. Share laughs. Share fears & worries. Dreams. Knowing looks that quietly say everything.
Just for a while I will have to seek some quiet. Review and restore myself. If I am so lucky to have another relationship I want to bring my Best Self into it. Be present and aware.
Until then.

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