Watched Babba Wawa (Barbara Walters) tonight on her special broadcast, "The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2014". I tuned in right when Oprah was being interviewed. Babba asked her, "So any regrets?" Oprah says no, she has none. Babba asks, "Ok, so finish this sentence. Before I leave this earth the one thing I need to do is..." Oprah says "Make peace with my weight".
What's really interesting to me is (and I think was to Babba, too..) here is this phenomenally successful icon that is universally known, worshipped and revered and her last earthly concern is how many pounds her frame is.
The worst part is... I get it.
It comes from this terrible place of shame, when I stare at the feelings and really analyze my attachment to that same issue. I feel shame. I feel that I put my energies into so many other things above and before myself. I have a bazillion excuses for not exercising, not choosing the best food options or eating emotionally. Which I confess I do, absolutely. I bombard myself with food and drink to pacify inner sadness, which adds weight, which adds sadness, which adds weight, which adds sadness and so on.
The other part of the interview that was tough for me to ingest was Oprah's belief that had she chosen to have a family that her career path would have suffered and or her success today would have been unobtainable. I think this is a horrific injustice though, to uphold that glass ceiling that working mothers simply cannot do it all or be it all or that someone will suffer or be compromised if you opt for career success. Why couldn't Stedman have been the caregiver?! Oh, a thousand questions come to mind. Why can we not REDEFINE motherhood and why do we not dare to try. Why do we feel that we must choose one path or the other. Why do we feel that WE have to shoulder both all the responsibilities of parenting and the career if we opt to be the career mother? I am very disappointed to hear that she felt that this was her belief; especially a woman of such incredibly hard won priviledge with probably every conceivable access to help. And again, not that having children is everyone's thing. Certainly some of us are simply just aware that being a mother is just not something we naturally attune to. For me I will readily confess I have to try daily to tune in and summon patience for the simplest of things. But I also knew at the eleventh hour that I wanted to become a mother- suddenly, but thankfully.
The weight battle I will continue to work on a peaceful resolution. Maybe the new story can be that I walk so that I'm happy, so I walk, become happy, and I walk and become happy...