Friday, December 26

Isn't December a hard month just in general?
I find it is. This particular December has been a little more difficult than others. It's just simply been plain out a disappointing, let down month. The first and second week I was dealing with the loss of this pregnancy as I just was about to crest into the 2nd trimester. The third week I was back into the throes of an escalating workplace which got an extra layer of drama smothered on top. And this last week really has been a week of feverish toddler plus intensely busy workplace plus last minute Christmas dinner preparation equals me running on about 4 hours of sleep per day. Today I spent the entire day preparing this excellent family Christmas dinner complete with appetizers and sadly my toddler's congestion was so bad I ran her to emergency. She is fine; horrible virus and she is consumed with frustration at being unable to breathe freely. But nothing life threatening or requiring any medical intervention.
I'm just kind of feeling like "so what was this all for?", now. Nothing panned out the way I thought it would- none of it. Not the pregnancy, not Christmas. Things that were supposed to be joyous had no joy. Funny I say this because just yesterday at work I saw a sticker on the floor that said JOY and I thought wow, that was meant for me to see. And yes it was. I just have to find the joy that is stuck to the floor.

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