Sunday, January 31

January is officially gone.

Just like that.


Lots of things seem to be ending for people lately. Two people today emailed me going through relationship crisis, and a teacher I know emailed last week with a veiled indication of something major going on in her life also.

Big changes are happening for some people.

Me, not so much. My only excitement lately has been finding my rocks, which were still neatly packed in the basement from our move last March (...which was like CHRISTMAS, opening it up and holding each one in my hands!!!) And otherwise I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting for completion for my duplex subdivision.




Because evvvvvverything in my life hinges on this onnnnnnnnne precarious event. And that one event- how it unfolds, what it provides, and what it materialize$ as- controls my entire financial future as I currently know it.

What I really need is some perspective and balance. Oh, I know. I get tunnel vision so easily. When I focus on something, all my damn energy goes there and only there; nowhere else. There is no happy medium. Everything else suffers dramatically when my energies tap into something specific. I can't eat properly, I can't sleep properly, I can't function. I dwell, I obsess, I worry, I fret, I plan, I write, I think think think. Rather useless energy.

It's like a diet- I know what i SHOULD be eating. As in life, I know what i SHOULD be doing is exercising this nervous energy away and eating good foods that feed my body better so I sleep well and feel better overall. And really this one little thing, this subdivision process really does not change the big picture of my life- like in the long term. This is just a moment in my life. Oh I knooooooooow.

Temperance. That's the answer.

1 comment:

~n~ said...

it's not useless energy. it's helpful. it helps you sort through it all. it just *is*. try not to wish it away. it's a wonderful part of you. :D

hope everything resolves itself soon.